Remember Balloonboy

(HT: BHT)

a balloon and his boy

If you're going to go on national TV and say that what happened wasn't a hox, be sure that everyone's in agreement about that. You could have trouble if they aren't.

Stop giving carrots to burros in Arizona!

You're making them fat!

"I thought I had the flu."

If you're going to eat meat for dinner tonight, make sure it's fully cooked. You don't want to require surgery some day to remove a worm from your brain.

What IS the best way to stuff $90,000 into a freezer?

Because sometimes, it's really important to know.

You better be careful if you go to Montauk

You never know what may wash up on shore.

Brownie Bites for July 30, 2008

Did you hear about the evangelist who killed his wife, dumped her in the freezer, and later preached a sermon at a church service? Anthony Hopkins was leading a revival service at a church in Jackson, Alabama, but was stopped by police after his eldest daughter talked to them. Somehow, I doubt that he was preaching on the sixth commandment.

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The Hill has published their fifth annual list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill. Because outward beauty is what's most truly important in Washington.

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At some point in our lives, my wife, one of my sisters, and I worked at Grandview Hospital in Dayton, OH. I realize that many hospitals want to be "cutting-edge" in some respect, but I didn't know that Grandview is taking it to a whole new level. The hospital is utilizing something called "'Wiihabilitation,' the latest trend in rehabilitation therapy that uses the interactive mobility of the Nintendo Wii video game system to help patients improve strength, flexibility, balance and endurance."

We've come so far from the days of that old tennis game on the Atari 2600.

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The Cute One is obsessed with this dude. I'm wondering if I should chalk it up as a harmless crush, or be worried.

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I'm a straight man who enjoys watching Project Runway, so I have to announce this: the show's breakout star, Tim Gunn, wasn't paid a dime for his work on the first season. He only received $2500 an episode for the second season (which remains my favorite). This is surprising, given how necessary he is to the show's ability to work. He probably didn't agree to a paycheck because (1) he's a genuinely nice guy and (2) he had no idea the show would prove to be such a hit.

Lord Vader, you honor us with your presence

The Sith Lord formerly known as Anakin Skywalker attempts to join the Church of Iceland. Guess he got tired of hanging out with the Emperor...

shirtless Mormon missionaries

I really only have one thing to say about this article.

The creator of a calendar that featured shirtless Mormon missionaries was excommunicated Sunday after a disciplinary meeting with local church leaders in Las Vegas.

Chad Hardy said he bears no ill will toward the council of elders from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

"I felt like I spoke my truth," the 31-year-old entertainment entrepreneur said. "Bottom-line, they still felt the calendar is inappropriate and not the image that the church wants to have."

Exactly what kind of truth, beyond "I like making money and I think this is a way to do that," were you speaking? Please, don't give the tired I want people to know what they're really like line.

Naked Cowboy sues Mars

The Naked Cowboy of NYC, whom I blogged about two years ago, is in the news because of a lawsuit against the makers of M&M candies.

The Naked Cowboy stands around Times Square all day playing the guitar in his underwear — but that doesn’t give the maker of M&M’s the right to make fun of him to sell candy, he says. That, says Robert Burck, the man in the tighty-whities — and not much else — is the naked truth behind the $4-million lawsuit he’s filed against Mars, the maker of M&M’s, along with the advertising agency that (un)dressed up a morsel of candy in Naked Cowboy gear for a commercial. On Monday, a New York judge, after reviewing the bare legal facts, ruled that Burck can go ahead with the lawsuit.

Good luck, Cowboy. Pick something appropriate to wear when you go to court. Something that would match your, ahem, legal briefs.

the only one with class

Literally. How weird to be the only one in the audience and your governor is speaking to you. Does he maintain eye contact? Does he look out at phantoms?

Oh, be careful little feet, where you go

Because of four reasons, I want to mention this story about a pastor who went to strip club over 400 miles from his home:

1. The pastor reportedly told his wife that he was going to Best Buy, and then proceeded to be gone for four days. What story did he think he would be able to tell his wife when he eventually returned home?
2. The strip club is located in my hometown of Dayton, just down the street from where I attended grad school. And, no, I've never been there.
3. The pastor was taken to Grandview Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. My wife, my sister, and I all used to work there.
4. Whatever problems this pastor has, they didn't begin when he told his wife he was going to have their computer checked and he left the house. There are deeper issues at work. According to this article, the pastor's wife loves him and wants to "work on whatever it is [that's wrong]." That says a lot about her and how she views their marriage, so hopefully they can find reconciliation.

will it last for 40 days?

Check out the headline for this article on flooding in the state of Arkansas - Forecasters warn of flooding in Ark.

There's no mention of a dude named Noah, or if a large number of exotic animals has been spotted in the area.

"One of my friends was so scared after seeing that thing that we had to take him to the hospital.”

A creepy gnome frightens Argentinean children.

those cheating Daytonians

It's always nice to see the hometown make national news, but not for this reason.

"Darling, don't you love looking out over the water?" "Zeeble-beep-dot!"

We humans aren't the only ones who enjoy nice neighborhoods with excellent lake-front property. Extraterrestrials love a good view, too. Since he's from Ohio, I'm sure Dennis Kucinech knows about this.

(HT: Anchoress)

Please do not question the customer's sanity

Here's a poster of approved and forbidden words for workers at a Chinese clothing store.

(Warning: There is one little word that would not be uttered - or in this case, typed - at this site, so proceed with caution.)

Here lies Fred - once alive, now dead

Just in time for Halloween, BBC History Magazine has unveiled the winners of an unusual contest: the search for the "most suprising, enigmatic or bizarre epitaphs" on gravestones. The runner-ups can be found here.

(HT: Metafilter)

Eloi and Morlocks

Apparently, this is where human beings will be in 100,000 years.

leaving your job

I suppose there are numerous ways to leave your job.

• You can leave with quiet dignity, giving your place of employment the appropriate notice time like two weeks or a month or whatever Human Resources says is a good time.
• You can leave in a huge flameout, telling your boss exactly what you think of him/her as you walk out the door. While this may feel good while you're doing it, you may find that it wasn't wise to burn the bridge.
• You can do something quite stupid and be fired for it.
• You can do your job well and be fired because you don't fit in or you're not a "team player" (whatever that means).

One option that you may not have considered is the mysterious way. You can call in sick one day, drive off in your car, and vanish. It's what Robert Levy, the mayor of Atlantic City, did.

From Fox News:

Two weeks missing and having admitted to lying about his military service, Atlantic City Mayor has handed in his resignation, his attorney said Wednesday.

Levy's departure will be effective immediately, according to attorney Edwin Jacobs.

Levy is in discussions with the U.S. Attorney's Office about resolving a federal investigation into whether he improperly received military veterans' benefits after falsely claiming he was a member of the Green Berets, said Jacobs. He allegedly took in about $25,000 in extra benefits payments as a result of the falsification.